So, some things have been happening. And I guess that I built this blog in order to talk about life, so here goes.

Today is Friday. I haven’t talked to my dad since Tuesday. I’ve been staying with my mom, which I suppose means that seems quite normal for most father/daughter relationships. Not mine, however. My dad usually calls me about very three hours. He’d very protective and always wants to be in touch with me. So I was really concerned. Not only was he ignoring my calls, he was ignoring my mom’s calls and his girlfriend’s calls. Finally I texted him telling him that I was really worried, and that I was going to send our next door neighbor over to see what was going on. He called my mom minutes later, furious. He said that he had been in the emergency room. He’s okay, but very unhappy.

I should backtrack here… My dad is very upset with me for choosing to go to a school that is very far away, as opposed to ‘our’ dream school that was only about an hour away. He and I had always wanted me  to go to the closer school, and it wasn’t until the last minute that I changed my mind and realized that the farther school was the one for me. Both were great schools, my dad just had his heart set on the one I didn’t choose.

From then on, my dad took some time, but he accepted my decision. I thought. Lately he’s been really depressed, about the fact that I’m leaving. My dad has poured his life into me… I lived with him for 6 years, and he didn’t date, he didn’t go out, he just stayed at home and obsessed about  how best to raise me. And now that I’m leaving I feel like he doesn’t know what to do without me around.

I have all this guilt that I’m killing him for making the right choice for me, and that I’m being selfish by going. But isn’t that what children do? I won’t be gone forever.

So the last few weeks he’s been feeling sick, and not eating, and not not sleeping. I guess he wore himself down with all of that while I’ve been at my mom’s, and landed in the emergency room. He’s home now, but acting out. Instead of acting depressed, he gets angry. He lashes out at everyone; but mostly me.

So that’s my life right now. Guess I’m staying at my mom’s for a while. More later.

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